Decisions

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Many wonderful life changes overtook me this year, including a new job, new car, new beautiful house, and I’m ENGAGED!! So, super excited. Everything is great: except teaching.

Have you ever completely dreaded your job every week day?

I’m finding out I’m really no good at it with teaching these kids. I have had a rough school year so far. This is my third year teaching, and it’s still a mess. In fact, I don’t think I’ll be doing it much longer.

I’ve never been able to manage a classroom of 30 teenagers easily. They are so disruptive I can’t teach. I don’t remember it being like this when I was in high school.

My principal spoke with me today. Wrote a letter to the county board that said I was deficient in classroom management and instructional practice, and basically hinted I had to get better – or else.

I’ve already figured out by the end of this year I’m not likely to get a contract-renewal offer.

I’ve been thinking of options “out” for months. Try Kindergarten. (still need to complete a 2 year program! Even though I have my MAT.) Private school. Middle school. But with these I’ll still have to know how to manage a classroom.

I’ve had so much stress towards teaching and what it has become and what I do daily – but I can’t blog about all that today. I have a whole book, I’m sure, that I’ll publish one day. But one day people will understand and the horror I’ve gone through may be exposed.

The worst part of the talk with the Principal was that he said I wasn’t “Trying.”

“You say you’re trying, but I don’t see it.”

I’m too overcome by everything for words. I do the best I can do daily. But the other teachers can control a class, and I can’t. It’s true. You have to have a mean (he called it “assertive,” but most other teachers I’ve worked with seems to vote for being “mean”) attitude towards the students.

I’m tired of acting angrily at them, at yelling at them, at always appearing to be disapproving of what they’re doing. It puts me in a more negative mood.

Can I have a job where it’s ok to act happy? And be happy? I’m a happy, energetic person!!

Goodness. I’ll finish out the contract  because I’m not a quitter, of course, but I’ll keep my eye out for a job in some kind of publishing industry after this. And work on publishing my novel (this time with a real publisher) and selling my self-published poetry book Soul Thoughts.

All I can do is breathe.

I hadn’t blogged on here in a long while because I was focused mainly on Blogster, but it is never friendly with my computer anymore, so I’ll change to this being my main site. Seems good to me 😀

❤ Namaste

celestialk.weebly.com 

 

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